Whatever the Cost
by Googie
Summary: Based on the promo for episode 4X12.  What will happen when it's a very real danger that Castle may be done at the 12th?  **Complete**
1. Chapter 1

_**Being somewhat annoyed with the lack of what I deemed as worthy Caskett moments in the last episode (4X11), I got the idea to write this from the preview clips for 4X12. As I wrote this, there have not been any sneak peeks yet. Although I'm sure that any sneak peeks will render this totally and completely off-the-charts AU, I'm still going to do it to satisfy my need for some positive forward movement in the relationship (hint). And I do realize that the quotes shown in the preview clip are probably not exact, but I'm still going to go with them anyway. I took the title from the line in the preview that was uttered by Captain Gates, in an utterly chilling voice, if I might say that.**_

_**This one is very short, especially for me. I guess I want to gauge response and see if people actually want to see something like this. I haven't been stalking new fanfics lately, so I don't really know what's out there or if this theme has been overdone. It won't be a long one if I continue; at most, a three-shot.**_

_**Disclaimers: Don't own any of the characters.**_

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><p>"The minute you move on him, I'm gone."<p>

Castle's eyes held hers, deadly serious. It wasn't a thought that hadn't gone through her mind at least a dozen times in the short while since their investigation started pointing toward the Mayor. The Mayor was Castle's all-access pass to the department, to _her_...and even though she couldn't formulate the words to admit it, she was scared, and she was conflicted, for perhaps the first time in her career. Their eyes didn't waver for several seconds as the impact of that thought, now spoken out loud, settled into each one of them. She knew the stakes. And they were high. Even though she couldn't put that into words.

"Beckett," he said in almost a pleading voice, "I've known him for twelve years. He's not a killer. He couldn't do this."

She looked away, Gates' stinging, almost threatening words ringing in her head. 'Do your job, whatever the cost', she'd said. But Beckett knew what she wanted to say, but she couldn't, for more reasons than just the fact that they were in the station. So even though it was hard, she gave him the response that she knew _Detective Beckett _needed to give him. "Castle, you're too close to this investigation. You need to step back, and let me do this."

His eyes got slightly larger when he heard her stark, stern words, with not a hint of comfort in them, spoken in the tone of the no-nonsense Detective Beckett. He looked at her and shook his head slightly, pleading with her. "Beckett, don't do this."

"Castle, you can't be objective on this one. Go home." Then, a little bit louder, she said, "Ryan, you're with me. Let's go." And without looking back at him, she strode off, leaving Castle looking after her forlornly. Ryan shot him a sympathetic look, but didn't say anything as he left to follow the senior detective.

And then he did what she told him, albeit grudgingly, because he had no choice, and he knew he had no choice. He went home.

And he had a feeling in the pit of his stomach that his reason-his outwardly public excuse-for being around Kate Beckett was about to come to an abrupt end. And what was he going to do then?

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><p><em><strong>Like I said, I know it's short. I have part of the next chapter written, but before I went any further, like I said, I wanted to see if there was actually interest in seeing more. Because if not, I can think of a lot of other things I could do (like clean my toilets, so I <strong>_**really**_** hope there's interest, if you know what I mean!)**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Wow...what great response to the first little chapter that I posted! I'm amazed! I never expected such a huge positive response for such a short chapter! Maybe I should write short little chapters more often if this is the response I get! Thank you all so much!**_

_**So, as promised, here is the second one. Obviously, my toilets are still dirty. :(**_

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><p>The knock at the door came later that night. It wasn't terribly late, but it was late enough that he didn't get very many visitors at that time.<p>

Somehow, maybe by the quietness of the knock, maybe from something else that he couldn't explain, he knew it was Beckett. She stood there on the other side of his door, looking somewhat uncomfortable, but still determined. "Hey," he said.

"Hey. Am I...interrupting anything?"

He shook his head. "No. Just sitting around thinking. Come on in." He stepped back so she could enter. After he shut the door, he walked up behind her and took her coat as she shrugged out of it.

He hung it up and came back to stand in front of her. She knew she had to say something; she was the one that had showed up on his doorstep, after all. "Can we talk? I...uh...I need to explain, Castle. I don't like how I left things earlier at the station."

"Kate-"

"Please? Castle, I just...there are some things I need to say, some things you need to hear. I don't like how I had to leave things."

He sighed. She was here, and who was he to think that he could refuse her anything? He couldn't, he had no power to do that...it was plain and simple. "Sure. Okay. Let's go into my office."

They walked silenty into his office, and he shut the door behind her and then crossed in front of her as she looked down at the floor, stopping when he casually leaned against the desk. And even though it was a casual gesture, he could feel that it was fraught with tension. He was tense from the whole investigation, from not wanting to believe that his friend could possibly have anything to do with a murder. But at the same time, he was ashamed to admit to a more selfish motive for his tension...he knew that his presence in the precinct, his status as part of Beckett's 'team', was in dire jeopardy. If his friend, the Mayor, was implicated at _all_ in this murder, he could kiss his access to the precinct goodbye. And as for Kate...well, he could probably kiss her goodbye too. Then he thought...yeah, right. As if.

She was still standing there uncomfortably, not making a move to say anything. He sighed. "What did you want to talk about? I'm assuming it's about the case, even though you kicked me off of it." It came out more snarky-sounding that he'd intended, and he instantly regretted that portion of what he'd said.

Her eyes, so deeply dark and serious, gazed at him. "Castle, why did you want to shadow me in the first place?" She ignored his snark, thank goodness, but the question that came out of her mouth was not what he was expecting her to say. Of course, considering the fact that he didn't even know why she was here, he actually wasn't expecting her to say anything specific. But he was glad she added the 'in the first place' qualifier, because the reasons that he wanted to shadow her in the first place were very different than the reasons that made him want to stay around now.

He shrugged. "You know...you've known all along. I never made a secret of it."

"But tell me again. Tell me what you told Montgomery all of those years ago, what made you dream up Nikki Heat."

He sighed. "You were-you are-a good cop. You help the victims, you try find them justice. You don't stop, and you don't back down until you find the truth." As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he knew why she'd asked.

She took a few tentative steps toward him, and while he was still leaning against the desk, it emphasized that she was now towering above him. The writer in him could see the symbolism of that...she had the power. But her voice, when she spoke, sounded anything but powerful. "Castle, don't you see? Those things that made you want to shadow me in the first place...those things are still there. I'm a cop. It's my job; I have to find justice for that woman. And I have to go wherever the case leads me, no matter what my personal feelings about the case might happen to be."

He had his hands in front of him, fingers loosely laced together across his lap. He looked down at those hands, and then back up to her when he asked the question, "So, Kate, exactly what _are_ your personal feelings about this case?"

She felt the heat from his eyes like they were lasers burning a hole through her. What could she tell him? That she knew he was compromised because of his friendship with the Mayor, but that she was feeling just as compromised because of her relationship with _him_? But she knew he wouldn't see it that way...he would tell her that she was feeling that way because she didn't believe Bob was guilty. But that wasn't it. And he was still waiting, so she turned on her defense mechanisms, her only way of coping right now. So despite the fact that she had just alluded to the contrary, she told him, "I don't have any personal feelings about this case." At least it was somewhat true. She didn't have a lot of personal feelings about the _case_...most of her personal feelings centered on _him_ and how they related to the case.

"Right. That's why you came all the way over here. Okay, then," he told her dismissively, looking away.

This wasn't coming out right. She had so much to tell him, but how? "Castle..." she started.

"No, Kate. You're running again. I have personal feelings about this case. Bob is my friend, has been for a long time. That's why you kicked me off of the investigation, and I suspect some of that is why you're here now. But I know you don't have the connection to him that I do. So why don't you just tell me why you're here?"

She couldn't stand in front of him anymore, so she walked over to his window and glanced out, before pacing over to the other side of the room and back. "Castle, I just can't take my job and turn it off, much as I might want to sometimes. I know he's your friend and you don't believe he's complicit in any of this, but I still have to investigate. And I have to investigate fully, without bias, wherever the evidence leads me." She turned and walked over to stand in front of him again, the conflict evident in her eyes. Her voice was full of emotion when she spoke again, with just a little frantic edge to it. "And do you know that for the first time in my career, I almost don't want to go where the evidence leads? Do you know how foreign that feeling is to me? I feel like I'm dishonoring my badge by even having those thoughts. But it's all there in the back of my mind! I know as well as you do what we stand to lose if..." she trailed off, almost stunned that she'd formulated some of those thoughts into words, that she'd admitted them.

She didn't say it outright, but he knew. And he had to ask the question. He needed her to tell him, voluntarily, something more than a look that could be misinterpreted. He needed the words, so he pressed on. "Would it? Would it be a loss for you?" His voice was soft, but firm.

Her eyes bore into his for several moments, and he could see she was at war with herself, almost like part of her wanted to run away, but also like she wanted to say something and couldn't find the words. She seemed like she had that day in the interrogation room with Vulcan Simmons, when he was egging her on about her mother. It was barely controlled, although he knew this time, it wasn't anger. He wasn't sure exactly what it was, but he knew she was feeling cornered. He didn't want to corner her, he didn't want to make her uncomfortable. But, damn it, there was so much on the line here, and he needed to know. He needed to know something of how she felt, in her own words.

"Castle," she started, her voice barely more than a whisper. He felt the lightest touch of her hand on his arm. "You know it would be."

He let out the breath he'd been holding and looked down at the hand that was on his arm. Before she could pull it away, he moved his hand to cover hers, and he just held onto it as he looked at her. He saw the ever-so-brief flicker in her eyes right after he took her hand, but it evened out after several seconds, and some part of him was relieved that she didn't try to pull her hand away. Before he could fully register that thought, however, he felt her fingers curling around his in their own grip, as if she was trying to convey more than her words alone could say, or was simply trying to punctuate her words with the gesture. Whatever it was, though, it was still a voluntary gesture, a touch from her, and he'd take it.

"I want to come back," he told her, point blank. "I can help."

She had a million thoughts and emotions running through her head-and her heart-right now, and a good majority of them were centered on where his hand had held hers, where her hand was now also holding his back. She didn't want to lose that connection, which was more than just the touch of their limbs. But it wasn't that simple.

"You can't. You know how this could blow up. If there's any hint of impropriety with this investigation, at the very least it could mean IA sniffing around us. And yes, having one of his friends in on the investigation when he's been implicated screams impropriety. Castle, come on, you're not a stupid man...you have to realize that."

"I'm not a cop, so IA wouldn't be a problem for me. There's already enough of a problem with Gates, and I'm handling that okay."

"It'll make Gates more of a problem, because she'll feel vidicated in her dislike for you. But most importantly, it's a problem for the rest of us. Do you want us to get suspended? Lose our badges? And even if we set that aside, no matter how much you say you can remain impartial, I know you can't. Do I need to bring up Damian Westlake?"

"He was innocent of Vicky's murder, and I solved his father's murder and turned him in for organizing it. How can you say that I can't remain impartial?" he argued.

She squeezed the hand of his that she still held. "You know this is different. That was _one_ case. The stakes are higher than just one case now. This just might be..."

She couldn't finish, but the words were in her eyes. This just might be...it. The end.

_It might be everything._

"It won't happen," he said resolutely, as if he believed it absolutely.

She sighed. How could she make him understand? Suddenly she realized she was still standing, and she really wanted to just collapse and sleep for a few days. Since she couldn't do that, she moved to lean against the desk, much like he was, but not letting go of his hand. And even though she moved, he didn't let go of her hand either. Both silently agreed that they needed the connection to the other.

"Rick," she started again, softly, somewhat unconsciously using his first name. "If you ever want to be my partner again, if you hold out any hope of things going back to the way they were before this case, then you have to stay away now. Let Ryan, Espo and me handle the Mayor's case. Because if you're there, even if he's not involved at all, even if he's totally innocent-"

"He IS innocent," he interrupted with conviction.

She continued as if he hadn't interrupted her. "-Even if he is innocent, just your mere presence there will taint the investigation. Can you see that? It's common knowledge how you came to be shadowing me, that you and the Mayor have a friendship. No matter how above-board we are, no matter if we cross every last T and dot every last I, if you're there that friendship will still cast that doubt on the investigation, and there will always be someone who will wonder if that's the reason that the investigation went the way it did. We can't have there be any doubts. Not for our investigation, not for our careers, not for the Mayor's career. This is a case involving the Mayor of New York City. The press is already on it, but you know they're going to start digging deeper at some point. What happens when they figure out the connection with you? Huh? You know how the press is, probably better than a lot of us."

She had a point. The press could drag them all into it, even his mother or, God forbid, Alexis. Whatever they could find, they would use. She did have a point. She had a point with everything she said...he knew it. He just didn't want to admit that she was right. Because admitting that felt so much like he was giving up. He took his hand, the one she wasn't holding, and he scrubbed it over his face. But he knew he had to do what she was asking.

"I'll stay away," he acquiesced, looking down. But then he turned to her, saying, "But you have to promise me that if there's something that I can do, some way to help behind the scenes, you'll let me do it. Totally off the record. Okay?"

She hesitated a moment, and then nodded slightly. "Only if it's off the record. But we'll let you know. Nothing, absolutely _nothing_ until we specifically ask."

They both were silent then, still holding hands to maintain that comfort, that connection. They somehow knew that they might never be able to be labeled as 'Partners' ever again, so they sat there, leaning against the desk, lost in their own thoughts.

"Kate?" he finally said. She turned and looked at him in response, but didn't say anything so he continued.

"If this...if the Mayor...I'm not saying he's guilty because I don't think he is, but if somehow..." he trailed off, finishing the rest in his head, '_if somehow he's guilty'_. He wasn't sure how to voice the words so they didn't sound ominous or as if he was doubting his friend. "What would happen to...me shadowing you?"

"You know what Gates would do." She smiled a rueful smile. "I think you'd somehow find something to write about, though, even if you couldn't shadow me anymore. After all, how many cases have you been involved with? I don't think you'll be hurting for subject material for your next book."

Now was the perfect opportunity; he'd even said as much to his mother once. Was she ready to hear it?

But he supposed it didn't matter anyway. He was going to say it. And after almost three years, she should be ready to hear it. In a low voice, with a thoroughly sincere look in his eyes, he told her, "Kate, it's about more than the books."

He felt her freeze side of him, but it didn't really suprise him.

She looked down and swallowed. "Uh, I guess if I get any weird cases, I could call you and tell you about them," she attempted, hoping that didn't sound too lame. The truth was that she didn't know, and she'd been avoiding thinking about it since they caught this case. But now he was pushing her to face that question about not working with him any longer; the one that three years ago, she would have been giddy to have it suggested, but now, it was the question that made her inwardly nervous and worried. How things changed!

"You could do that," he agreed.

"Yeah," she replied, just to fill the silence.

"Or we could meet for coffee now and then? Or maybe, like if you forget to eat sometime, I could spring for dinner?"

Dinner. Oh. That sounded like...yeah. Even though he was trying to make it seem like it wasn't, it was. But if she wasn't going to see him anymore at the precinct, then when would she see him? No matter what they called it, she knew that if she wasn't gong to see him at the precinct anymore, then she would want to see him...sometime. The thought of not seeing him anymore...well, she didn't want to go there. And as he tentatively asked the words, she realized that he was rubbing his thumb over the top of her hand lightly. When had he started doing that? And why did it feel so good?

"Coffee. Yeah. I'm sure I'll need some coffee now and then." She couldn't answer the dinner question, because that seemed like...yeah. No, she wasn't going to answer that.

But apparently he had other ideas, because he asked her, "And the occasional dinner? I mean, I've become kind of a hermit lately, except for going to the precinct and going to Ryan's wedding. So, if I won't..." he let his words die off, because even though he was trying to keep this conversation light now, there was still that underlying knowledge of why they were even having this conversation in the first place and he didn't want to voice that there was a possibility that he may never go back. "Uh, it would be really nice to help me get out more, just enjoy life a little bit. If I stay inside too much, I may grow a shaggy beard and develop a hunchback. So it would really help if I could count on someone to have dinner with now and then."

At the thought of him in a shaggy beard, hunched over, she had to stifle a laugh. And it felt good. It felt good enough, and normal enough, that she didn't even have to think before she answered. "Well, when you put it like that, Castle, I'd better say yes, if for no other reason than to not scare your readers." At his questioning look, she clarified, "You with a shaggy beard? Can you imagine how your dustjacket picture on your next book would look?"

When that was squared away, he raised up from where he was still leaning against his desk and stood in front of her. He looked at her seriously and asked her, "Kate, can I ask you for one more thing?"

'_Oh, no,'_ she thought. With the serious look back on his face, she didn't know how much more she could handle right now. But she still said, somewhat warily, "What?"

Without warning, he moved to lean back against the desk on her other side. He let go of the hand he was holding and then waved his dramatically, like he was trying to shake water off of it. "Can I hold your other hand now? This one was starting to get kind of sweaty, and having a sweaty hand just kind of destroys the macho image I have."

She looked at him incredulously once his words registered. A sweaty hand? She injected a stern tone into her voice when she said, "Oh, shut up, Castle." But nevertheless, she took her other hand and put it in the dry one of his. He turned his head toward her and gave her a cocky grin, and the little squeeze she felt from his non-sweaty hand gave her just a little bit of hope that maybe, just maybe, things would work out okay.

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><p><em><strong>The sneak peeks were released when I was finishing this up, but I didn't watch them because I didn't want my 'vision' for this story to be affected by the actual show clips.<strong>_

_**This story was never meant to be a 'get them together now' story. It was just supposed to show one possible scenario for how they might look at the real possibility of him not being able to shadow her anymore, and set up a few more admissions and 'closer' moments for them (because in my opinion, those have been sorely lacking as of late). I tried to keep the tone in the tune of the show...say some things, but not too much, and let the words show enough subtext so you have to look for some of the hidden meaning behind the obvious words. **_

_**By the way, there will be one more chapter after this, a conclusion, if there is still interest. I have ideas for it, but if there doesn't seem to be interest in a third, I'll end it here.**_

_**So...what did you think? So many of you were so positive after the first little chapter, and I hope this lived up to your expectations for the second one. Let me know, please, even if you hated it.**_

_**Added 1/13: I thought that the sneak peeks would make my version totally implausible. But I finally watched them this morning, and it's kind of cool to think that my version could still work. Not that it will...I know that. But it could. :)**_

_*****Added 1/17: The episode has aired, and while I liked the drama and surprise of it, I thought it was still lacking for some blatant Caskett moments. Personally, I'm getting tired of so much subtext where you have to analyze every scene to wonder and try to surmise what they're thinking. I did like where she called him 'Rick' after seeing the mayor. But I've said it before and I'll say it again...with her knowing how he feels, and her also consciously trying to let him in more, and with both of them really afraid for the future of their partnership, I would have thought (hoped) there would be more said between them in reference to that fear, and not just have it all be in 'the looks'. **_

_**That said, I'm going to end this here and not do another chapter; it seemed the level of interest in reading more just wasn't there (too bad...I was going to have Castle still press her about going to dinner even though he wasn't kicked out of the precinct). I'll use the time to concentrate on 'Melting Slowly', and I have another story in mind that I need to start fleshing out a bit more. The story does stand on its own without a third chapter. Thanks very much to all who left their comments for me.**_


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